remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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