just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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