And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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