I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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