never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
