There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We left an ass print on the piano.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
