no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
operation have a gay friend backfired
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
