I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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