It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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