I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
