Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
