"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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