we have pet lesbian snakes
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
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guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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