if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
