I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
