It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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