this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
