Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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