I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize