Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Green mimosas i think yes
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
