I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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