Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
