I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize