Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
