I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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