Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
