I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
