Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
