Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
