I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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