Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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