He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
