I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
