Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
