Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
