i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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