your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
