I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
