forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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