Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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