i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
