we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
