my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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