Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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