I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am available for nakedness
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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