There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
