I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
