UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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