Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
