This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
