Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
