If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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