dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My feet surprised me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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