u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
handjob tips. give me some.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
